(Humor) Our story of the Pizza Time franchisee who cut off the heat on his employees outraged some, but inspired at least one. Beloved billionaire Richard Quick, Esq. has create an exciting new abuse-inspired franchise: Cold Stone Pizza.
“American consumers love pizza. They love a bargain. And they love to see people worse off than themselves.
“Now, QuickCo Franchising has combined America’s passion for pizza, low prices and the misfortune of others into one exciting concept: Cold Stone Pizza!
“If you’re looking for a lucrative way to combine your love of money with your disregard for your fellow man, the Cold Stone Pizza franchise is the opportunity you’ve been looking for!
A flash of inspiration from Earth’s #1 millionaire-maker
What inspired this genius idea? America’s beloved millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. says “I was reading the moronic website Franchise Pick. There was a big uproar about some franchisee who makes his pizza shop employees work in sub-freezing temperatures without heat. I thought: What’s the big deal? None of these altruists were offering to pay an extra buck a pizza to heat the pizza peons. I thought: If these phonies thought they’d save 50 cents, they’d make’m work without lights, too.”
“Then the light bulb clicked on. Eureka! Another Multimillion dollar idea! ”
We abuse our employees & pass the savings on to you!
Doesn’t the public care about employee welfare? Explains Quick: “Sure they do. Until they see our 2 Large Pizzas For $4.99 Special. That’s delivered price, with choice of two toppings. The Chinese can’t offer pizzas at those prices.”
Millionaire Quick, Esq. immediately assembled his top development team to create a lowest-cost, lowest-overhead pizza delivery franchise. They eliminated the unnecessary frills of their bloated competitors, including heat, employee bonuses, incentives and fair pay, fire extinguishers, smoke detectors, toilet paper, latex gloves, hand sanitizer, and the use of motorized vehicles. Profit sharing was replaced by expense sharing, with food and supply purchases charged to employee’s personal credit cards.
The Cold Stone Pizza HR team developed innovative ways to recruit low-cost, abuse-tolerant employees, including DUI recipients, Megan’s Law honorees, illegal aliens, and former franchise brokers. Read more about the COLD STONE PIZZA FRANCHISE.
[Disclaimer: The Cold Stone Pizza franchise is in no way affiliated with Cold Stone Creamery, wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin, or specialty retailer Cold Stones, Rocks & Stuff]
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