Rich Quick’s 10 Worst Franchises (humor)

(Humor)  America’s beloved millionaire Richard Quick, Esq. provides his picks for the Best of the Worst new franchise opportunities.

Beloved millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.’s website celebrates the many overlooked advantages of investing in the worst franchise opportunities, including lower fees, universal availability, and the absence of cumbersome rules and quality control.

And because you know it’s bad franchise, argues Quick, there’s no need to waste money to have a lawyer look over the legal agreements & disclosure documents.

Making that point, despite being an attorney himself, (He is, in fact, a founding partner of the prestigious firm Quick, Duhk & Hyde) displays the selflessness of Mr. Quick, Esq…. and the reason he is so beloved.

So what are some of Quick’s Picks for Best of the Worst franchise opportunities?

#1  “Eternal Ascent” Cremains Dispersal

As an Eternal Ascent franchise owner, your big red balloon will take Uncle Charlie to heaven and his ashes to God knows where.

#2  Enviro-Ad Environmental Product Placement

One man’s litter is another man’s gold mine.

#3  Wiznos Free Subs

If you think our buns are toasted, wait ’til you see our franchisees!

#4  Michael Phelps’ BUDWAY

Endorsed by Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, this budding franchise promises a great bong for your buck.

#5  BUDGET BRIDES: Love 4 Less!

Matching bachelors on a budget with eligible women from the Poland, USSR, Singapore, Zimbabwe, Muscle Shoals and other miserable places.

#6  iSTOLE It

iSTOLE It combines the selling power of eBay auctions with our unique, no-cost inventory acquisition system.

#7  LOOK RICH QUICK! The Franchise

Your neighbors no longer have to look poor, just because they are.

#8  STARBUSKJ Cofe ‘N’ ROP (video)

STARBUSKJ Cofe ‘N’ ROP is favorite franchise of the late EXILED ex-president Baduchka and the only Slovenian coffee and rope shop to give free monkeyfist with every order! (So, if you have something you need to tie, or if you are a sleepy guy: STARBUSKJ Cofe ‘N’ Rop!)

#9  Pruno Prison Wine

Ranked one of the top 10 prison-based franchises

#10 Meal Assembly & Botox Kitchen Franchise

Make & Fake Gourmet combines the appeal of paying hundreds of dollars to prepare ones own meals, with the booming demand for facial botox injections.

#11*  Richard Quick’s GRATE FUN! Adventure Park

An exciting development with QuickCo’s partnership with the People’s Republic of China.  Co-branded with QuickCo’s DEEP DISCOUNT TOYS! from China.

Special FREE Bonus Message from Richard Quick, Esq.

What is Success? A letter from our President, Millionaire Richard Quick, Esq.


Images:  Franworst

Richard Quick, Esq.’s Top 10 lists always go to 11.  That’s how he rolls.